Donald Trump’s shameless crusade for the Nobel Peace Prize—premised on false claims that he has ended eight wars—has done little to win over the people who actually award it. Not even close. After Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado, the most recent Nobel winner, handed over her prize to Trump in a herculean display of ass-kissing earlier this month, the Oslo-based committee was forced to state repeatedly that the prize “cannot be revoked, shared, or transferred to others. The decision is final and stands for all time.” Translation: Sir, you don’t stand a chance. (Hopefully they can send Machado a new one in the mail.)